Caution: Random objects ahead

I’m running on empty here. I kind of feel dead inside right now. Maybe it’s preparing me for what’s coming but I don’t like it. I don’t know what to ask for so I’ll just ask that you make the coming events as easy and painless as possible.

Maybe a little help feeling the Christmas cheer I usually have would be good too.

A family friend is dying.  She pretty much has been for most of this past year.  The out look for how long she had has seemed to be given in chunks.  Maybe till the end of May.  Hopefully till Thanksgiving…

Well the final word has come… one to two months, maybe.  Attempts at treatment have been stopped and hospice plans are being made.  Also requests for what to put in a obituary have been asked for.

This is not my first dance with death and dying.  As mentioned in a previous post I’ve lost my paternal grandmother.  From the age of ten I have lost more people than I can count off the top of my head.  

But this one will be a hard.  I’ve known this woman for twenty seven years (just about my entire life) and she is part of our extended family.  Another factor making it difficult is she is one of my mom’s best friends.  It’s hard to watch the ones you love give up hope and resign themselves to what can no longer be avoided.

It’s also difficult to think about the family she will be leaving behind.  Her husband, two kids (both adults now), siblings, nieces and nephews, in-laws and such.  She has been the linchpin in the family, and a guiding force in her kids lives.  I cannot imagine her family without her.  

So as I said, you can prepare for this all you want.  Even see it coming for almost a year.  But in the end the loss will still hurt like hell.      

It’s been one of those long, but not busy, kind of days.  H had to go in for another biopsy today.  His third since last December.  And while in some ways this one was better, in others it’s a bit worse than the two previous ones.

This time H’s Urologist (Dr C.) seems a bit more skilled… or perhaps the better way to put it would be up-to-date on his techniques.  

Back story:  Dr D wasn’t terrible but has been in practice for more that 50 years (and is in his 80s).  And while the argument can be made that he has seen a lot over so many years it has become apparent that he has not kept up on, or changed to, the methods being used by other Uros out there.  Some other problems with Dr D is the fact he’s never seen bladder cancer in someone H’s age group (mid 30s) and doesn’t listen well or try and find answers to questions.  The final straw for me in dealing with him came in April when meeting with me following H’s second biopsy (H was in recovery) he asked if we found out weather or not the cancer and treatment would affect our ability to have kids.  We asked him that question in December and while I did say I’d do some research on the matter I figured he’d know better where to get answers from.  Or at least look into the matter.  Also that was not a conversation to have without H present.      

H’s new Uro Dr C has been in practice for about 25 years, and unlike Dr D, he has had about a dozen patients in H’s age range who have had bladder cancer.  (And a few of them had kids while dealing with their cancers.)  He has also kept up with the latest advances and techniques being used.

So anyway, back to my original point, story, whatever.

H went in for a cystoscopy a few weeks ago- a much less uncomfortable process than at his old Uro’s office where it was not only rather unpleasant but made H feel like he was peeing razor blades for the two days following the procedure- and Dr C found a small mass.  Being that H’s last cysto (in August) was all clear Dr C wanted to go in a remove the mass.  Hence today’s current adventure.

Well the biopsy went well.  It took less than an hour this time (FYI the usual time allotment for this type of biopsy is 1.5 hours in the OR and 1.5 hours in recovery/PACU) which I hope is a good sign.  The mass, which measured about 2mm, was removed along with some other tissue samples.  Dr C said other than the lump everything looked great.  However, due to the nature of the cancer, along with H’s age (early for such a diagnosis) we would have more of these trips in our future.  

Dr C also did not leave a foley catheter in H after this biopsy.  With both biopsies Dr D did H would have the foley in for two days and then have it removed.  After the April biopsy the floey was removed in the usual amount of time but due to an increase in clots blocking the urethra I had to take H to the ER to get the a foley put back in for a few more days.  That was not fun at all. So H is, or perhaps was, excited about that.  To not have to deal with a tube hanging out of his penis sounded great hence the excitement.  Now, well not so much on the overjoyed but still a bit happier.

You see what H didn’t fully realize was how much blood and how many clots he normally passes in the night and day following a biopsy.  Since he had the foley in place after the previous two trips I was the one getting up close and personal with the collection bad and emptying it.  So for the first dozen trips H has taken to the bathroom I’ve had to go and look in the toilet before he flushed to reassure him that what was in there was normal… for him anyway.  Honestly I’m much more familiar with my husband’s penis and urine than I ever thought I would (or wanted to) be.    

We won’t know the results of the biopsy until next Wednesday or perhaps the following Monday (the office is closed for Thanksgiving).  It may very well not be cancerous.  However, pretty much from now on any lumps, bumps, and masses seen in H’s bladder will have to be removed right away.  It’s the nature of the beast so to speak.  

If the samples are positive for cancerous cells then H will probably have to undergo BCG treatment again.  It won’t be fun for either of us.  Worse for H, but it will suck for me too as we will be fighting for bathroom time.  (Me due to the baby bouncing on my bladder and H because the BCG makes you have to pee due to the irritation and increased fluids you have to take in.)   

We shall see what the fates have in store for H. 

I was right. 84 degrees yesterday, it’s supposed to be 80 today. This is not fall.